Of Drunken Surprises and Cornobbling
by Ripplingstorm
Summary: Fairy Tail Christmas Week day three and four: mistletoe and party. Strangely enough, when Lucy opens her front door after finding out the guild party was cancelled, she finds Christmas decorations all over the place and some guild members crammed in her living room. A party ensues, in which the girls get drunk (again) and Gray is threatened with a fish.


**Author's Note:** Hello! This is a one-shot I wrote for Fairy Tail Christmas Week on Tumblr! The themes incorporated are mistletoe and party, days three and four.

This was edited once really quickly, so beware of writing mistakes! I hope I've kept the characters in character enough and the humour realistic enough.

Also, before you read:  
 _Cornobble (v) - to slap or beat another person with a fish_  
 _Defenestrate (v) - to throw (a person or thing) out a window_  
I just really wanted to use these two words. Sorry for the bad humour that comes with it!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail in any way.

* * *

 _Of Drunken Surprises and Cornobbling_

"Erza, Levy, Wendy!" Lucy called from the door of her apartment, all dressed – stylishly, of course – for a short excursion out into the winter charmed town, "I have to run out to pick up a few more things, including the replacement cake. I don't think I'll be long, but if I don't get back in half an hour, then you guys just go ahead to the guild!

A chorus of innocent "Sure, Lucy!" answered, and with one last look at her flour and frosting covered living room and kitchen, Lucy turned and headed down the stairs. She had a large cake to buy among other things, for that party at the guild hall later.

* * *

As soon as Lucy shut the door behind her, the previously innocent looking trio of Erza, Wendy and Levy dropped the act and burst into action. Well, more like Erza began pulling out strings holiday lights and large bunches of mistletoe from nowhere and tossing them all over the place. Levy and Wendy just safely assumed it had been stored in her requip space.

Levy used her magic to make cleanup a breeze. Literally; "solid script: clean" created a soft, thankfully warm and nice smelling breeze that carried the lumps of stray dough pieces flung across the apartment and the frosting dotting the walls and table to the sink. It made their job a lot easier.

The glorified description of their job was to beautify Lucy's apartment with a ridiculous number of decorations, be they lights, ornaments, streamers or as Erza had suggested, cute wall stickers of the Santa Claus's twelve reindeer.

It sure sounded nice, but it was, in reality, quite a challenging job. Especially since Erza didn't care for anything outside of hiding mistletoe in unimaginable places and Levy, who was a bit of a decorating guru, was too short to place things in places that would make the overall appearance more aesthetically pleasing. Wendy did her best to tape candycane patterned streamers on cupboards, but she too, was a bit short for the higher places.

Not to mention the time limit. Levy figured they had twenty minutes at the most, maybe thirty if they were lucky.

"Alright, Erza, can you hang this up?" Levy asked the redhead, gesturing to a pile of holiday lights that she had collected. "Along all the doorways? And maybe across the upper parts of the walls as well?

Erza looked slightly disappointed, but did as she asked and began to stab daggers into the wall to hold up the lights. Well. Levy hoped they could fix the holes after the party.

Wendy went to hang a wreath on the front doors. Levy checked the clock. Fifteen minutes. They could do this! … right?

"Levy-san!" Wendy called, "I've hung up that wreath. The streamers are all taped down. Do you have any suggestions about these?"

Levy turned to see Wendy fingering a length of garland. "Around the frame of the front door," she decided.

She hung up a number of stockings on the small fireplace, before giving in and borrowing some of Erza's spare daggers. Levy had to admit, they looked quite pretty. Glittering jewels on the dagger hilts complimented the respective stocking designs of some of the guild members.

Ten minutes.

She then set out to organize the living area a bit before setting down Christmas themed tablecloths and cups down. She placed the plates, napkins and cups on the kitchen counter. Looking around, she realized that maybe, just maybe, they could make it. It was looking pretty nice. Although Erza had been rather obsessed with hiding mistletoe, she really did put energy into everything she did. Said girl was still sticking daggers into the wall and carefully adjusting the blinking lights, before she moved onto straightening the stockings, then patting down a couple reindeer stickers. Wendy stood beside the coffee table as Erza around, the swordswoman's quick and precise movements leaving the middle of the room the only safe place for the small dragon slayer.

A concentrated Erza was still scary. Actually, Levy thought, Erza in any mood, disposition, demeanour or situation was pretty scary, the sole exception being when she was eating cake. Usually.

A quick glance at the clock and a survey of the apartment yielded pleasing information. Three minutes left, and it was looking pretty good. Levy grinned.

"Hey, guys!" Erza stopped and Wendy turned large brown eyes to her. "I think it's looking very nice! Do you think it's about time to head out?"

"Wait!" Erza yelled. "I have to put up this last sprig of mistletoe!" She said, holding up said object. Levy nearly sighed in exasperation. Really, what was it with Erza and mistletoe?

"Sure, then we should leave."

"I can smell Lucy-san about seven hundred meters away," Wendy added.

Levy turned to the girl. "Wow, that's some sense of smell you have there!"

She smiled and blushed a little. "Yeah, Natsu-kun taught me how to utilize my enhanced senses. He even told me that since I'm a sky dragon slayer, I can manipulate air to further boost my sense of smell!"

Levy was quite impressed. "Natsu-? He's quite a bit more knowledgeable than many would give him credit for!"

"He has a brilliant mind," Erza put in as she came up behind them, "it's just that he doesn't use it to its full potential besides fighting."

That was very true. He had an imaginative mind that was not limited by pain, difficulty or anger. His sharp, quick, flexible thinking was a huge advantage on any scale of a battlefield; it also made him a fantastic tactician. If he actually put it to use thinking about things outside of fighting and food, he would prove to be quite the genius. It was unfortunate, really.

But Lucy liked him well enough as such, so… Ah, speaking of Lucy… they really should be getting ready to leave.

"Guys, we should be leaving now!" Levy was met with nods and hums of approval.

"We shall go," Erza proclaimed dramatically pointing a sword at the door.

They were halfway down the stairs before Wendy realized that they had forgotten their prepared food on Lucy's kitchen counter.

* * *

As Lucy walked down the street with cake and a fruit platter in tow, she saw Levy waving at her from the door to her apartment.

"Lu-chan!"

"Levy-chan! Hey, you guys didn't have to wait for me, you know?"

"That's what friends are for, Lucy-san!" chimed Wendy.

Erza merely smiled. "Let's go."

They walked side by side, the four of them, chatting comfortably and making sure to keep to topics appropriate for "little" Wendy. She had protested, but blushed when Erza had mentioned boyfriends and dating and… less appropriate things. Sticking to the innocent-child-friendly topics it was.

Before they knew it, their trek through snow and the occasional gusts of winter wind from Lucy's apartment to the Fairy Tail guild hall was over. Apparently, small talk about missions and interesting encounters while out on a job in addition to moaning about the incredible stupidity and recklessness of certain group members passed time very well.

When they arrived at the guild doors, a sight of unexpected sullen guild greeted them. There weren't many people there. Lucy's eyes widened in shock. "W-What happened, guys?!"

Natsu, who was lying on one of the tables, muttered, "Mira is sick."

"So what, there's no party anymore?"

"Aye," Happy answered. "Everyone went home when they heard that Mira was sick. I don't think there will be a party."

"Poor Mira… Hey, then what about all the food?"

Happy waved a blue paw. "Just take it home, that's what everyone else did. Jeez Lucy, your gluttony shows when you say that, you know."

"WHAT?!" Lucy screeched, "Get back here, you stupid cat!" She put down the cake and her fruit platter before running after the Happy.

Natsu had gotten up to see what Lucy had brought. "Ooh, cake!"

Gray walked up behind him, hands in his pant pockets. "You're so obsessed with food, flame brain."

Natsu whipped his head around. "Got a problem, popsicle stick?

"Maybe I do!"

"Oh yeah? Wanna fight?"

"Fine!"

With that, the two were at each other's throats, hands pulling at faces and hair. Then flames began to envelop Natsu's arms. Gray leaped away, before slamming his hands against each other, ready to match Natsu's magic with his own.

Thank goodness Erza was there with her no-nonsense attitude. She grabbed each by the hair and wrenched them apart, an annoyed expression on her face, not at all bothered by the flailing limbs of the two mages. "Stop this at once."

Natsu and Gray stilled immediately and threw their arms around each other's shoulders when Erza let go. "Of course, Erza!"

Gajeel walked up behind Levy and patted her on the head, Pantherlily not far behind. Carla walked towards Wendy with a smile. She looked at her dragon slayer with a blatant question in her eyes, and Wendy nodded in confirmation. Lucy, having given up on catching Natsu's Exceed partner, walked back to the group.

"So, what do we do now?" She asked.

Natsu, being close with Gray, shrugged. "Me and Happy are going ice fishing."

"Aye!"

Gray, who now had a Juvia clinging to his arm, was attempting to locate his shirt. "I'm going home. "

"Juvia will go with Gray-sama!" This was met with a very forceful and resolute shout of "No!"

Lucy turned to the girls who she had spent all afternoon with trying to make cake. "Do you guys want to go back to my apartment and hang out?"

"Of course, Lu-chan!"

"I would love to, Lucy-san!"

"I don't see why not."

Lucy grinned. "Great, let's go back then."

Natsu and Happy headed out, as did Gray and Juvia, who seemed like she was never letting go. The girls left as well, Carla in Wendy's arms. That left… Gajeel and Pantherlily.

"They forgot about us," the Exceed said.

Gajeel didn't say anything. He just sulked.

* * *

The moment Lucy stopped at her front door, she noticed something off. There was a wreath hanging on her door. Maybe her landlady put it there? Apparently, that old lady was really into Christmas…

When she walked into the apartment, she was greeted with shouts and cheers. Levy, Wendy, Erza and Carla followed through, not at all surprised at the noise.

"Yo, Lucy!" Natsu yelled, a grin even in his voice.

Lucy's eyes widened comically. "HOW the HELL did you get here before I did? Without me noticing? And what about ice fishing?!"

Natsu shrugged. "Just wanted to surprise you." He offered her wide grin.

Then she paused. "FINE. Whatever. But more importantly, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING AT MY HOUSE?! And what's up with all these Christmas decorations?!"

Erza patted her head. "It's okay, Lucy, we decorated your house. We were planning to have one after the guild party, but we can have it now!"

Lucy stared at the redhead. Then she turned to the people crowded in her living room. Then she stared at the cake in her hands. "Fine."

A cheer erupted, causing an exasperated eye roll. "BUT. Only this once, okay?" Another cheer. What the hell? These people were crazy though, so it was probably best to leave their antics unquestioned.

Lucy sighed. At least she had prepared a lot of food. With this many people… man, she was going to be broke by the end of this.

"Bring out the LIQUOR!" Cana yelled, waving an empty bottle.

"Bring out your own!" Lucy yelled back.

"FOOD," Natsu exclaimed.

Happy was picking at something in the garland hung around her house… wait, were those daggers? WHAT?! … she was so dead. She wwas going to have a talk with Erza sometime later. Sticking daggers in other people's walls was so not okay. Then again, it was Erza, so one should always expect the unexpected. This though… was going quite far… No matter. It could be dealt with later. Right now… Lucy supposed she could have a bit of fun.

* * *

Hours later, it was well into the night. The girls were drunk, every one of them. Lucy, Erza – who was even more terrifying drunk, Levy, Juvia, Mira, Cana, Carla and even Wendy were drunk. Natsu didn't know who had given Wendy liquor, but when he found out… they were in for it. Wendy was far too young to be drinking, and he would give hell to whoever snuck her some.

The poor thing probably didn't even notice anything in her soda until she drank it all. He was totally willing to bet it was Cana.

"Hey, metal head," he said, "who gave Wendy alcohol?"

Gajeel looked over. "How the hell should I know, matchstick?" He paused. "Wait a second. Someone gave Wendy alcohol? Who?!"

"That's what I was asking you, screw for brains! She probably didn't notice the smell in her drink because it's pretty heavy throughout the apartment."

"Who're you calling screw for brains, shit for flames?"

"You, tin can!"

Gray interjected. "That actually sounded like an intelligent analysis, flame brain. For once."

"Shut up, popsicle!"

"What're you going to do if I don't?" Gray taunted.

"Hey! Don't just barge into our argument, snowflake!"

Gray turned to Gajeel and raised a slim brow. "So? What of it?"

"If anyone's fighting the Salamander, it's gonna be me!"

"Don't kid me, ash for brains gonna fight me."

"Shut the hell up! I'm going to fight both of you! At the same time and beat you asses into the ground!" Natsu shouted, annoyed by the two fighting over who was going to fight _him_.

"You wanna go, fire breath? You're going to get your ass handed to you." Gray directed his eyes back to Natsu.

"Yeah, wanna fight, flaming shit head?"

"Like hell I am, ice block! I'm going to beat both of you at the same time!" Natsu jumped up, knocking a few cups over, flames bursting into existence around his fists.

"Natsuuuuuu! ~"

Lucy. Natsu whipped his head around to look at her, cuddling against Levy at the fireplace. "What, Lucy? I'm gonna beat these two into the ground!"

"Not in myyyy apartmenttt yoouurr nottt! ~" she slurred, effects of strong alcohol showing through. She struggled up, which elicited a giggle from a drunk Levy, and stepped on a few hands and legs and arms making her way over to him.

Natsu stared at her, with her red cheeks, wild eyes, messy hair and strangely enough, still perfect makeup. She almost stepped on Juvia's chest, but before her foot made contact, she giggled.

"Whoopsies! Juvia wouldn't like thaaaaat!"

"Lucy…" Natsu said. He grabbed her wrist to stabilize her as she neared him, Gajeel and Gray being forgotten despite their protests.

She crashed forward into him, her face pressed against his scarf and her… assets against his chest. "Lucy?! Are you okay?"

She looked up at him, eyes sparkling. "Whoops, sorry Natsuuuu! I didn't watch whereee I wasss going!"

As Natsu opened his mouth, a weight dropped on his head. What –

"Ohhh, blue kitty!"

So it was Happy. "Aye, Lucy!"

"It talks!" She hit his arm, saying, "Natsuuuu, the blue kitty talksss!"

"Aye!"

"The blue kitty is holding…" Suddenly, she squealed. "The talking kitty is holding mistletoe! Ooohhh Natsuuu, let's kisss! ~"

Natsu her out from his body by her shoulders, his face red. "W-w-what?! N-no, Lucy. You're drunk!"

Happy giggled. He jumped off Natsu's head and spread his wings, and sure enough, a sprig of mistletoe hanging from his paws.

"Happy!" The Exceed merely tossed a grin over his wings.

Lucy had somehow managed to break free of his hold, and was trying to kiss him. He pulled his head back. She pouted her lips. _Cute…_

"Natsuuu!" she complained, "I can't kisss you if you don't hold stillll!"

"No Lucy, you're drunk! You shouldn't!"

"But Natsuuuu –"

"Hey, hey, flame brain, don't be too harsh! All in the holiday spirit, right?" Gray said, coming up behind him.

Natsu could practically _hear_ the smirk in that ice prick's annoying voice, even though that was more Cobra's thing. "What do you know, ice princess?"

"I know enough." With that, he pushed Natsu, hard, into Lucy. To the dragon's slayer's horror, Lucy brought her petite hands up around his face at the same time, and closed the last bit of distance between their faces.

 _Her lips are soft... and warm... and taste like strawberries..._ Natsu stood there in shock as Lucy kissed him, his grass green eyes wide with surprise and no shortage of shock. It was a pretty nice kiss, which made him wonder... how many guys had she kissed before? Mavis knew he lacked skill in all romantically related endeavours. He could hear Gray snickering behind him; he had to restrain himself from kicking that ice bastard's ass that moment. Stupid ice block.

Lucy pulled away with a satisfied hum and a drunken grin. "That was niceee, Natsuuu." She paused, thinking hard, lips curving down into a small frown. Then her face lit up again. The sight caused a happy stir in Natsu's heart. "Let's kisss again, Natsuuu! ~"

Natsu held Lucy at an arms length, a blush making its way across his face. "No! Not now! You should get some rest, Lucy." With that, he looped his arms under her arms and legs and carried her back to the fireplace, trying to ignore her attempts to nuzzle into his neck. It sure as hell wasn't easy, with her warm breath washing over that area.

Lucy giggled and babbled all the way over there, and seemed disappointed at the lack of his natural warmth when he set her down next to Levy. She had grabbed the hem of his waistcoat, a pout on her face. "Natsuuuuu..."

Thank goodness Levy poked her friend. Lucy's attention quickly shifted. As Natsu walked back to his original spot, formulating plans for get back at Gray, who was sniggering as he lounged against the wall – against a sticker of a reindeer called Vixen or something – like he didn't have a care in the world. Who was _still_ laughing, that bastard.

"What do you want, flame brain?"

"You... What the hell was that, bastard? You had no business pushing me into Lucy! You knew she was drunk! That's not very caring of you, you pervert!"

Gray smirked. Natsu wanted to punch it right off that infuriating face. "You obviously wanted it, and Lucy did too. Pretty sure I did you a favour."

Natsu clenched his hands, eyes glaring daggers at Gray, and though that was Erza's thing, he managed pretty well. Gray had officially pissed Natsu off. "Just you wait, ice princess, I'm going to beat you to a pulp! You're going to get your ass handed to you!"

Another smirk. "Hey, calm down. It was only supposed to be a joke. Beside, not here you can't."

Natsu stomped over to the fridge, careful to avoid Wendy's fingers. This confused Gray. When he grabbed a frozen fish from the freezer, Gray's confusion deepened. ...The hell?

The pink-haired slayer made his way back over to Gray, frozen fish in hand, water droplets running down his hands from the unnatural warmth. He walked up to Gray, thawing fish in hand, got up real close and personal, and said in a deadly serious voice, "I'm not gonna forgive you for forcing a kiss on Lucy while she's drunk, especially when she's _that_ drunk."

"So what're you going to do?" Gray really didn't know when to stop sometimes...

Natsu raised the fish. "I'm going to – I'm going to..." he looked to his Exceed partner. "Hey, Happy, what was that word again, that one about fish and beating someone up?"

"Cornobble!" the blue cat replied, eyes on the fish.

"Thanks, Happy."

"Aye sir!"

Natsu turned back to Gray. "I'm going to cornobble you, Gray, that's what!" He punctuated this with a fierce glare.

"What...?" Gray was now thoroughly confused. What the hell was cornobble? And Natsu knew a word he didn't? _Natsu_ of all people? What?

From across the living room, Lucy's light voice sounded. "Natsuuuu, youuuu should defenestrate him toooo! ~"

Natsu looked behind him. "What's that, Lucy?"

"Throw himmm out a windoooowwww!"

Natsu smiled. "Right, thanks Luce." He turned back to Gray. "Hear that? I'm gonna cornobble you, then I'm gonna... um..."

"Defenestrate!" Lucy shouted from across the room.

"Right! I'm going to defenestrate you too! See how you like that!"

Gray raised an eyebrow. He would look up "cornobble" or whatever the word was later. "Seriously?"

"Seriously, ice prick." Then Natsu began whacking him with the thawing fish.

* * *

As it turned out, Gray didn't need to look up that word in the dictionary. He well understood what it meant after Natsu _cornobbled_ him with Lucy cheering him on in the background. Gray also learned that dragons were protective creatures, and that one should never mess with them or their friends and most of all, their _mates_ , even if said dragon hadn't realized he had a mate yet.

Because if one did, they would get _cornobbled_.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


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